Diaries Dedicated to Deian

I'm 19 but my father is still there for me to distract stray cats ( from staring at me and begging for food) everytime we eat in warung or kedai mamak.  I'm not being gedik and all of that. It's not my fault that my thigh are somewhat delicious that a blind oyen cat bit it that it makes me feel scared of it. the thing is whyyy cats can sense that I don't want them to be any inches near to me.  I'm srsly okay in sharing foods with cats but they will only come back again and I'm scared. So, I will always finish my meal first and tinggalkan the best part for them but bila dah habis, selalu sangat hilang. maybe another time, I'll bring along food cats. I know, Allah datangkan all those stray cats so I can share me rezeki with them but I'm scared like they can literally jump on me any seconds or they can bite my hands 😭. mimpi jela to own a cat in the future. Big thanks to anyone who did try their best to distract all the cats from me. I know all of them wer...

Today marks forever final day for CFS. Officially graduate from CFS!!!  Setahun yang lama, yang penuh cabaran, yang menggugat tali persahabatan, yang mengajar erti sebenar sahabat, yang mengajar peritnya kegagalan, tersingkap pelbagai kenangan, alhamdullillah lebih indah dari duka, tapi luka yang terjadi, masih kekal di dalam memori. Walaupun begitu, aku di sini masih berdiri gagah, menanti pelbagai cabaran, serta masa untuk bersama yang tersayang Kini aku mengerti yang kasih sayang itu hanya berhak kepada yang perlu Terima kasih, semua. note: I FINISHED IT!! MY RESULT ALSO HEOL DAEBAK, STAGNANT DARI SEM 1 SAMPAI SEM 3!!! Paling penting, exempted from English!!!! THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE!!!  okay memandangkan I never have a picture with Nik, so masuk Gombak nanti, nak ambik gambar banyak2 dengan dia. To more memories to come!! Sincerely, leolin

Dear Dee, I just watched Weathering With You!!! Sugoiii-desu!! I love how beautifully and it is so real for animations. I cried again...ij my heart. Ouh, I also completed season 1 of Haikyuu. Yosh!! I did trial for online class. It was such a hell to enter the group. I did numerous attempts like ughh it was so annoying. Iftar for today, macaronni, daging bakar, kambing bakar, sup gearbox, sup daging and kuih lopes!!! I am grateful for today. History been created today. In this RMO period, this is my first time to stay awake after Subuh. huhu proud of myself. love always, Rin

Dear Deian, Goodluck in finishing you video assessment. I wish I am busy as you so that I don't have much time to think of this heart break. I don't know but it hurts. I love her as my friend, I hate that this is the end of my friendship with her. I am lying if I didn't love her. I still want to keep her and treasure her as my close friends but my social energy is limited.  Maybe you are right . I should forget her. I should start studying tomorrow. I need to keep myself busy with things. I wanted to delete Snapchat, Twitter and Whatsapp.  I don't have appetite for like 2 days already. I accidentally practice intermittent fasting. Idk dee idk. I hate sadness. I think it's better crying over angst-y anime rather than crying for reality. I don't even feel the like the joy in watching k-drama or anime. I wanted to die. I want to end all of this but I still have a long list of unfinished anime and I need to khatam quran. The thought of dying keep appearing day by da...

Dear Deian, I don't really counts the quarantine days but someone said that it is already week 6 of quarantine. I am an introvert but this is just too much. I need to go out even just for 30 minutes. I crave for you know the view of crowds eventhough that was the last thing I want to see before this. I hate crowded places and a very hectic situation. I am on my 2nd book which called I have 25 Hours A Day. I read it because I need to to a book review. Sometimes, the urge to die comes but it is not that strong just like what I felt during PT3 phases. I don't know dee. Why on the earth people leave us? All we do is just kind to them. I always treat her everytime she cut her meal because she doesn't have enough money. I always be there when she is sad. I always be with her when it's dinner. Idk dee. IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT. She should just blame others and left them but not me. I feel this is so unfair and childish. Oh God my mind went blank. I don't know who to tru...

Dear Deian, Today I went for ICT class at 12 p.m.  and I learn about website development using google sites. Well, that was easy and yeah it will be part of my assessment. Then, I went back to my mahallah to meet my beloved bed. I rolled around for an hour and roll again and started to pray Zohor. Ouh yea, I ate shawarma today for lunch.  After that, I went for English class at 4 p.m. Speaking time but you know,, I was and I am not so talkative so I decide to not talk in front of them so I just contribute my idea for the talkshow. To me, talking require you energy to be spent. Thus, I stay silent and nodding all the time. I went back at 5.50 p.m and entered the mart and oh lala i thought that I need biscuit so I bought it in bundle which cost me rm8.50. Eventually, I also bought chocolate bun ( rm 3.60) and a softener (9.50). I am broke with all of this. That's all. I later bought a nasi lemak ayam that done bungkus so I can go back faster to perform asar prayer. I went for sh...