Diary 1

Dear Deian,

You will not believe how I act like stupid one for this entire 3 months in cfs. I liked a classmate of mine, M. He is not good looking enough to start with.

Idk why I like him? Maybe because of his action and his attention towards me. I feel appreciated. I never got that attention from any men. Never once in my life other than my father.

He shared with me his favourite song and we actually sharing the same earphone. That was the moment I started to like him. That song is from taiwan movie starring Darren Wang. I dont remember the title. Ugh.

He and I was a team mate for assignment and we decided to discuss the assignments in library. At that time, my only friend who is a girl in that group can't attend the discussion. So there were just me, him and his friend. His friend told us that he already eat for lunch while both of us still starving.

He made decisions for both of us to have lunch together in cafeteria at student centre. That was my first time eating there. My friends told me that the food in that cafe sucks. So, I don't really want to eat at first but he said trust in me. The sizzling here are so delicious. So, I asked him to order the same one like him.

I don't have that much if friends here in cfs. So, I decided to sit on the same table with him. A lot of eyes watching at us at that time. To make it worse, my friends which are also my roommate saw me eating lunch with him. They be like, we are just in week 2 and she already has a guy!! They snapped pictures of me and him. I was so shy but I remain calm in front of him.

Imagine how I was trying my best to act modest while eating. Very sucks. I MEAN UGH WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING STUPID?!!
I ate very slow at that time like nani the fk. That is my first and last time.

A lot of thing happen and it teach me to actually stop liking him. To turns out, he shows his affection and attention to almost all girls around him. Acting gentleman and being that sweet talker. How I wish I'm not so dumb. Ugh.

So yeah, I ended my crush story that in the end really crush my heart. He end up liking someone so beautiful and actually wanted her to accept him back. Puh lease okay. Not you. She is way beyond your league. UGH thanks to my talent in hiding my feelings from anyone else that they can actually see it. Only me and my roommate knows about this.

Sincerely,
me.
the hurt one.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diary 8

Dear Deian, I don't really counts the quarantine days but someone said that it is already week 6 of quarantine. I am an introvert but this is just too much. I need to go out even just for 30 minutes. I crave for you know the view of crowds eventhough that was the last thing I want to see before this. I hate crowded places and a very hectic situation. I am on my 2nd book which called I have 25 Hours A Day. I read it because I need to to a book review. Sometimes, the urge to die comes but it is not that strong just like what I felt during PT3 phases. I don't know dee. Why on the earth people leave us? All we do is just kind to them. I always treat her everytime she cut her meal because she doesn't have enough money. I always be there when she is sad. I always be with her when it's dinner. Idk dee. IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT. She should just blame others and left them but not me. I feel this is so unfair and childish. Oh God my mind went blank. I don't know who to tru...
Read more

Diary 2

Dear Deian,  Today, I cook fried rice and cucur manis bcos I feel that I wanted to. When I'm thinking on to decline doing something here, I will rethinking again. Does it worth it? Won't you miss doing this when you return back there? This is your chance to actually cook something. So, I be like yea. I can cook what ever that I wanted to eat. No more voltan issues. I have reread my novels and I remember well the character and the plot because I read it millions of time. Maybe I need to do the same to my law subject. Read it regularly in order for me to memorize all the fact. I am so scared. I got a memo that final result will be announce on 15 November. 2 Days before I return back to CFS. I am scared that I might not get good result because only I know how I did back then. I did bad for finals. I am scared that I barely can answer all the paper. I want to get exempted for both language. I dont want to go for language classes anymore. It is so tiring and stressful. I hope I am t...
Read more

Diary 9

Dear Deian, Goodluck in finishing you video assessment. I wish I am busy as you so that I don't have much time to think of this heart break. I don't know but it hurts. I love her as my friend, I hate that this is the end of my friendship with her. I am lying if I didn't love her. I still want to keep her and treasure her as my close friends but my social energy is limited.  Maybe you are right . I should forget her. I should start studying tomorrow. I need to keep myself busy with things. I wanted to delete Snapchat, Twitter and Whatsapp.  I don't have appetite for like 2 days already. I accidentally practice intermittent fasting. Idk dee idk. I hate sadness. I think it's better crying over angst-y anime rather than crying for reality. I don't even feel the like the joy in watching k-drama or anime. I wanted to die. I want to end all of this but I still have a long list of unfinished anime and I need to khatam quran. The thought of dying keep appearing day by da...
Read more